After a loss, when is it the right time to get a new pet?

I write this with no answers to the questions I pose, but some of the emotions that goes into making a decision - those emotions that may stop or encourage us to get a new pet.

Those of us who have lost a loved one (and I would hazard a guess that that would be most of you who are reading this), know the gut churning sadness when we remember what we have lost.   For some of us, rather than remembering with joy the life of that person (or pet), or the joy they gave us, we focus on the sadness of their passing.

I could be talking about the grief felt for loss of a human as well as a pet family member - in my experience, the grief one feels doesn't change. The intensity of a loss is still there.

The older vets, such as me, will be part of the lives (and death) of many pets from the same family - and each time, the wound of death and loss is re-opened in our own hearts.  It is something that most human physicians would not experience.

It is not an uncommon thing I hear from owners that they can never walk back into the vet hospital where they last saw their pet alive, or they may say that the hurt is too much, and they will never get another pet.

I can understand these feelings - I struggle to walk into Wollongong Hospital, as this is the place where my mother struggled in the last week of her life, and died.

Our dog Teddy-   RIP 2011. 

Our own dog, Teddy, passed away 2 years ago - and still, I remember him fondly, but find that I struggle when I think about getting a new dog.    He fought hard against Lymphoma, and though the chemotherapy was initially successful, he eventually succumbed to the horrid disease, and, as a vet, I had to do the impossible - euthenase my own pet.

So when I think about the joy Teddy gave us - me, my family, and the lives he saved through his friendliness, and his blood (he was our blood donor for anemic cases).   He was a one of  a kind - he was kind, gentle, loyal and always eager to please. In fact, he got an award at his dog training club for always being "Eager to please"

Leo is a dog we rehabilitated after a
serious injury in 2012 - he is now in
a great home!

When is the right time to get a new pet?  Well, the right time is really when you are able and willing to be there for your pet for up to 15 years (or longer).  They are reliant upon you for their food, their shelter, their play and sleep.... that is a responsibility that doesn't go away when you are on holidays or just don't feel up to it.

But after the loss of a much loved pet,  especially if they have gone through a prolonged illness or disease, it forces us to question whether we had done all that we could've done.  To get another pet, can often force one to question their commitment to their new pet - would they do as much for this new pet as they had for their beloved one who has passed on?  Would being with this new pet relive some memories which are painful to remember - such as the last visit to the vet, or the moment when you accept the loss of your beloved pet.

My childhood dog, Burek - He died when he was 17.5 years old.
Due to the love he gave us, we then adopted Jenna (who ended living
with my father after I left home)

Our pets give us so much love, attention, and the fact that they tolerate our anger, inconsistencies, lack of
loyalty, and ongoing yabbing (when we can't stop talking about what sort of day we had, without thinking about the sort of day that they had), that it would actually be a sign of disrespect to our pet, that we couldn't share our love, hearts and life with another pet soul.

There are many other very special, very loving, unique in their own way animals out there, who are just waiting for their very special family.  And whilst they wait in their shelter, kennel or pet shop, you are languishing in your own grief, equally lonely.

So when is the right time to get a new pet?  When you realise that the empty part of your life is the love you had for the pet who has passed,  and it needs to be filled with love - and it can be filled with the love, wags, hugs and purrs of another one. It can never replace it, but it can be part of your life into the future.  For this is what life is all about.

When is the right time for you?  Be honest with yourself, and open your heart.  Yes, it hurts to lose a loved one, but wouldn't it be a big shame that you felt that you no longer had the love to share for another one?